I’ve gotten so much better at telling God how I feel – not just intellectually delineating the particular sentiment, but “going there” with God. Knowing how I feel and feeling it full on are two different things, two different processes. The first matters because feelings mask themselves as known things. Sometimes God is working on a new hard place in my heart and when He presses on it, I feel pain – pain that is similar to something that I have felt before…but it is not always the same. Anger and contempt are not the same. One is a reaction and another is a planned posture. One is global, the other very specific. God is after specifics – they are rooted in a selfish attitude and deception and usually fear. Sometimes to get to the specific thing – that root – we have to start at the general place of anger. Talking to God about the anger, the thoughts that accompany it – the fears that surge under it – can get us to a place of tenderness that can hear His diagnosis – “It’s right here.” The lie, specific, must be exposed and neutralized or overcome with truth. Without such processes in vulnerability, the root remains. Everyone knows what happens when you cut a weed and you don’t dislodge the root from the ground – the above ground plant comes back, right away, and the root keeps on taking ground unseen.
The very best times I have ever had in God, have been in this sometimes scary process of vulnerability. It is an awesome thing for someone, in this case God, to see your very worse, and still want to be there with you. We can do that for one another only when we know who someone is truly made to be – when we can see that beyond the ugliness of the process. God can do that so very well – because HE unlike us, always sees us as we really are to be. No, I don’t think He is unable to see where we are in the present, but like the parent of the terrible two year old, He can see past.