strong enough

I was praying with a friend tonight. I walked over and touched her head gently. The Lord showed me a picture..something that  I was to do. I sat beside her – she was stressed, perplexed. I put my arms around her and held her fiercely...too tightly for her to break free easily. Instantly, she breathed deep as if to test the strength of my grasp. It did not give…and (relieved)… she broke.

Thinking back on the moment, I was reminded of Sheryl Crowe’s song, Strong Enough. It so gives breath and voice to that guttural thing, that below the ribs and vitals thing in us that so needs to be overpowered, tamed… the wildness and the irrationality in us that begs to be broken.

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be man enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

Sometimes I share stories from my life with students, friends. I love to tell the ones where God met my furiously, flailing  blows…just caught them in his hands, where He gently disarmed me, where He  stilled my stressing. I remember the many fit-full days when I was first drawn toward Christ. I was not looking for a help, but the end of myself…an end of my reckless reign. I wanted someone who could make me stop. Someone from whose grasp I could not squirm free. I wanted to be given excuse to stop – striving. I wanted excuse, the excuse that I could not overcome this man, Jesus.

The super tender and super strong bring me to brokenness. Fierceness says I will not let you do what you will. You can struggle, but I will not let you hurt yourself. Beat against me, I will not relent.

When I am beside myself, not God, I want someone to restrain me. I want someone to not let me continue.  I want someone huge – fierce – to resist me. The moment I sense such a hold/grasp, I break.

Surely a man would have to lie. But God is strong enough.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “strong enough

  1. Pastor Jeremy

    ah, seems this song is for more than just one person and has more than one meaning…

  2. Amber

    “Fierceness says I will not let you do what you will. You can struggle, but I will not let you hurt yourself. Beat against me, I will not relent.

    When I am beside myself, not God, I want someone to restrain me. I want someone to not let me continue. I want someone huge – fierce – to resist me…But God is strong enough.”

    This was such a timely post for me to read as I learn to control my thoughts, anxieties, etc by giving control to God. This quote made me stop and consider God in a new way. I never thought of it as needing someone to just stop me.

    This also strikes a cord with my “mom’s” heart as I am trying to figure out how to teach my almost 2 year old how to express himself appropriately. He has all this emotion and energy churning inside, but he is still learning how to express it and sometimes I just have to hold him so tight that he stops. What a heart our Father God has!

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