I cried easily today

I cried easily today, not in roaring waves of anguish, not with groans and flailing, but gentle streams ran down my cheeks, and I nearly didn’t notice. I sat between friends, who have little trouble letting tears fall.

That’s a big deal. It shows me that some things in me are changing, slowly, steadily.

The service in Rosemary’s honor was touching. The stories shared by the speakers, pulled on our hearts, fiercely dared us to “love like this, too.”

I love what Russ, Rosemary’s son-in-law, shared. He relayed that the family had eaten breakfast at Cracker Barrel the day before and that they sat where Rosemary and Bill always sat when they went for their weekly CB date. The waitress was their regular waitress. She immediately asked where Rose was. When they explained, she burst into tears and sobbed.

Russ reminded us how Rose always sought to make every connection a deep one. Waitress, student, parent, teacher, friend, family member, mailman, etc. Every story I hear told of her floors me.

I’ve only had one bad, BAD, day at the school. I nearly walked out, forever. I was angry, almost despondent in my anger. I think Rosemary read my posture from way down the hallway. Immediately, she came alongside of me, and locked eyes with me. She  knew why I was angry, I’m pretty sure she thought it was justified. I don’t remember what it was she said exactly, rage is blind and deaf. But it amounted to, “I’ve got this.”

I don’t know what all happened, but a few days later, everything was righted. The impossible, the non-negotiable, changed.

We are not exaggerating when we share about her. It’s so hard to relay who it is we lost. There is now this gaping hole, it’s crater-sized, at our school. We couldn’t hire ten people to take her duties over much less her place.

She was the administration secretary, her “job” was to keep the Head Master organized, but every time anyone, overwhelmed ever started a sentence “What do we…?” or “How should we..?” or “Where will we…?” the response and solution to the question was almost always, “Ask Rose.”

We have stumbled and reeled down hallways we could have once navigated in pitch darkness, so great is our discomposure. Our universe seems shifted.

I sat between two dear friends, both writers, both confidants, whose very presence helped me grieve, and I’m pretty sure that we all recognized a great chapter’s close.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “I cried easily today

  1. Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss. She sounds like one of those great rare souls who blesses everyone she ever met.

  2. Yep, you speak it so eloquently! I was thinking as I read this “Why do we always wait for someone to die before we express how much they mean to us”……. I will NO MORE!

    Dear Kim, if you were to die today and I were asked to stand before an audience of your family, peers, and students, I would stand broken at the loss of such a great friend. You have, through a throwing together of like minds, become one of my dearest friend. You are, as many would agree, the small, fiesty one who protects her own.

    As a teacher, I would have to say you are highly ethical and honest, serving without compromise. I love that about you. No parent, fellow teacher, or administrator ever has to question your ethics. You teach from your heart – don’t stop. As a parent, you are attentive, consistent, and affectionate while simultaneously nudging your children toward independence and spiritual awakening. Most parents are too busy sheltering their children to actually teach them how to live, you show your kids how to live while covering them safely in your prayers. What a testimony to parenting! Finally, as a friend, you have become a confidant (when I needed to vent), a team-player (when I put too much on my plate), a banker (when I forgot my purse on one of our many lunch runs), and a spiritual advisor (when I seem to be weakened in my faith)! Further, you appear to be on the road to making us successful (you know with the whole trashy novel thing… lol)! Just kidding, KCS kids.
    Girl, you are the total package. Keep living like this and I will never actually have to stand before a crowd and botch a speech with sobs! I love you friend. Thank you Jesus for my friend, Kim.

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