In the past 72 hours, I have been repeatedly challenged to reexamine that question. It’s been rolling around in me a while as well. As I sat briefly on my sofa last night, all the points to a sermon I preached about this question came back to me. Some new offers and opportunities and relationships have also triggered its resurgence.
It’s kinda funny because that very question, now bouncing about my brain, is the theme of my life, my ministry. It is the question I ultimately ask of everyone, the only question that matters much to me. This faithful question, “What must you do?” even ran across my lips in Bible Friday, though I did not indulge it with a proper rendering. I choked that familiar flow. The atmosphere was not right, it has to be right.
So, when my friend flung it at me today, I smiled and steadied myself and asked myself anew.
There seem so many choices, God. I hear your call to simplify and to fully focus my energies. I feel the gentle press of such and wonder, What is it that must go? (There is little left that I don’t love.) And where God, must I press myself fully forward?
For years, I have explained to many young women how we can do many things well at once, and how focus and expression and ministry flow shifts throughout our lives. But even as I honestly declared those realities, I knew the day would come when I could, should and would, focus fully. I longed for that day, much as I feared it.
As long as I have done what I could, many things, there has been a safety. But, I know that when one ventures into the land of the few holy things, such safety is sacrificed.
I stood with a charge last night. She and her family and many other god-children of mine had gathered to watch football with us and eat dang good food. Three times she walked up to me, wrapped her arms around me, told me how much she loved me. On her last pass, she looked at me and reminded…”and you are going to write that great book.”
I feel like Someone has rolled up the edges of my life, raised what has been a bit and is funneling me toward that end. I am sliding toward that thing, okay with it all and yet terrified.
I have more choices now than ever, at least choices I would happily choose. I am employed in many works that feel safe and good and productive. But, I also feel the pitch forward.
There is time. But not time to waste. And so, I ask myself aloud, listening for the answer that will resonate deep within me, “What must I do?”