Sometimes I perceive that particular God cast of light and recognize moment in the making. Payton, David, Millie, Trent and I were brainstorming, juggling ideas for possible Homecoming week games. We were laughing and expounding on one another’s more and more brilliant offerings. Our laughter threw us open, the joy of the moment and expected moments to come literally opened us to one another. Something happened within and between us, something real.
I doubt any of those young people will even remember our game discussion in days ahead, much less years from now. But I sensed the future being altered as we laughed today. It seemed that a cosmic switch was activated, employed to shift destination and path, as with a train.
Payton and David are always respectful, kind, even friendly to me. They always wave and call out, “Hello, Mrs. Sullivan,” even when their peers walk on by. But tonight at Epoch, Payton approached me. He looked me dead in the eyes and held his hand high for mine. As I pressed my hand to his, something deep surged in me.
And I remembered all those dreams you gave us, Lord, in the early days of our walk together. The visions that came upon us awake, came flooding back.
I didn’t take any pictures, but the camera in my spirit did. When there is a shot that I must have for some reason, the Holy Spirit will often all but crane my neck to see it in frame. My favorite picture of the trip came during worship…I was near the front on the wing- where I could see. Allison who is usually one that I love to watch in worship, was just behind me, on my shoulder. She tapped me, pulled me back into her and spoke into my ear. The room was full of sound, “Do you see that?” My shoulder surely framed our brother, awash in God. The strength and beauty of God was encompassing him.
What we saw was powerful. More powerful is the fact that we saw it together. The only thing better than seeing God, is seeing Him together.
One of the exercises we do in comtemplation is answer the “my favorite thing today was” question. Many folks have asked me about my favorite thing from Beach Freak. It takes me a while to process such. So two days later and hundreds of casts later ( fishing is my processing time), here’s my take away best.
I was sitting on the beach with some of the kids one night, not just any kids..my kids: the ones that call me Mama or their Godmother or come eat lunch with me at school. We were just sitting there – not really taking or even laughing. It was very dark – a starless and moonless night- all I could see was their outlines against the curls of the waves. We were just together, quietly so. Together with all we are to one another. If I get still in that, emotions overwhelm me and they did. So much of what makes me and my life rich sat beside me quiet, quietly together.
It is a wondrous thing to find God in His search for you when you are young…a far more wondrous thing to be found, together. I knew such a long time ago. To be so linked into such again is great priviledge and joy.
Sometimes…I need to still the words flying about my head. Sometimes I need to give them no avenue of expression. I need to keep them in, ask God to utterly destroy all remnant of the thoughts that carried them. Sometimes, I struggle here a bit.
Sometimes…I need to express…to force out words. Sometimes they must be said.
Today was one of those “speak” days. Three times, there were things to say..to bring encouragement and confirmation and maybe to bring a perspective that was somewhat veiled. I so love those moments when God lets me echo His heart. It is a huge privilege and a great joy.
Sometimes, we all need God to say through another person those things that we think we hear Him saying to us. And sometimes we need another to confirm the things that we don’t believe God really would say to us, especially the good things.
Many times people have been faithful to share something with me that I so needed to hear. The words they faithfully shared probably saved me time and energy and harm. I can remember those words so clearly. They weren’t always formal declarations or beautifully or poetically relayed. They weren’t always happy, happy. Sometimes they stung more than their deliverer ever knew.
But they were faithful words.
Today, I got to share a few faithful words. Confirmation really…of something long known by the ones with whom I shared. They were needed words, deeply desired words.
Today, I got to hear some needed words…challenging and yet freeing. The words were spoken out of a great love, a love willing to risk.
All around, it was a very good day.