Tag Archives: worship

We are getting it.

What I write about I don’t lose. I wish there were a way to encapsulate the weekend, to describe the atmosphere that we shared. It so seemed like we were in a pocket of God’s discernible presence the whole time. It didn’t matter what we were doing: whether we were awash in worship, hiking hillsides, feasting on favorite fare, diving down to murky depths, resting, talking, really talking to one another, playing and squealing in delight, or just being near.

We came into something, the thing that makes it all, all, worthwhile. We’ve come upon it. We can be -ourselves- our real selves – with one another. Everyone kept saying Friday night how good it was to be there, together. We aren’t afraid of tears anymore, we let them flow. We aren’t afraid to talk; we talk from our hearts. We aren’t afraid to love each other, to let each other know so. We are becoming unafraid. Love, the love of God that drives out all fear, is driving it from us.

I was sitting on the floor at Jerm’s watching for a moment. We had come back together from all over the property and were piled around the living room. And I saw it. The blessing, what Pastor Jay talked about the next morning, was flowing between us. Yes, the night before (Friday) the presence of God was enveloping… there was this safety, this sense of security that strengthened and steadied everyone. Everyone seemed so secure that they could be real (whatever that needed to be moment to moment)  with others around. Saturday, when we were singing, standing near and singing together around the piano, something began to shift in us, it wasn’t each of us there to worship, there was an “us” established. And it followed us to the park and up the hillsides on our fruitless quests, that were really about something more than any log book. We didn’t get aggravated, even under the physical and mental stress.  We made it fun, we enjoyed each other, now so much more aware of just who we travelled beside.

I think it is sinking into the kids, especially the Edgers, how very blessed we are to be in this, together.

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I’ve been thinking…

We have this worship retreat coming up.  It is one of those times when I sense that there is huge advantage to be taken. I know God’s presence will be inescapable. I know that I will be unable to stand up under anything God stretches His hand to take, touch, or heal. I know that He is coming to take from me those things that I do not need…that hinder me from really being me. So, I am asking myself, What do I really not want to carry in me, with me, any longer?

I also sense God trying to pull me forward in some things, Him wanting to put something in me that is not now resident.  What do I need to stretch out for, to take from His hand extended to me? So, I am asking myself, What do I need God to do? What will I let Him do?

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still in the wash…

At my house, “still in the wash” is usually the answer to whatever I or someone else desperately needs to wear that day. But it has come to mean something more to me, especially this week.

Saturday, we did my favorite thing at Edge. We sat “still, in the wash” of the Spirit, and the wash of our tears, and let God work in us. We let the waters overflow our spirits, spread out into our souls, and wash away despair, and doubt, and fear. We let them ferry hope and understanding and help.

It wasn’t a time about repentance or calling us to some standard, the kind of ministry that usually solicits tears from youth.  We just get still; we just get quiet. We play something tender, usually Sperti, and sit and let the Spirit wash over us, show us holy things that we need to know. And most of us, kids and old people alike, just weep (we can’t seem to help it) and let God move and  speak in us.

Why is Edge so the place…where this happens…most easily…for many of us, for me?  Maybe because we let God work, we give Him space and time, and quiet. And we know that He will come and wash over and through. We respect God working in each other…We don’t crowd, we don’t rush to interrupt, to lay on hands and to pray. We do pray for one another aloud, if, when, God shows it clearly; but we do not presume that God is not moving, revealing, speaking, affirming…We don’t get in the way of God.

And I always cry. As a leader, I do my best to put the kids there first, to intercede for them, to let God show me things to clear a way for them…I am wiling to do such; I do my best….But always, I, too, am washed over and I cannot help but cease even my intercession. I am overwhelmed in His showing me things deep in me, things untouched, and by His answer to them … the wash of His presence. My tears always accompany, as if to incarnate that wash.

I am not generally a crier…I am not easily touched in my emotions (especially when people are around) …that’s why the Edge “still” time is so wondrous to me.

A friend and I talked about why that might be so…why we don’t even think to fight tears there (we do pretty much everywhere else) …why they just flow. I know it’s that respect – the fact that, in there, we somehow really grasp that God is at work  in each of us – that each of us want Him to be so. And then there is that,”I want some space, but I want people, people who will/do stand guard for me, near.”

I feel so safe, so very  secure in that place.

I really like to meet God alone…I like to meet Him with them, better.

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